My Writing

I've gathered up some writings I've shared in posts, but for the most part (as I keep writing and adding) Most of this page will be filled with my poems and thoughts that have only ever been seen by the likes of me...Until now! All contents on this page are written by yours truly and I ask kindly to be credited for anything shared or taken. I hope you enjoy!

You could call it a loss
You and I.
Twisted and torn, bending to smooth out each other's creases
We made a pact long ago that
now feels faint
The sure promise of love's light diminished;
smashed, disposed
We decomposed. I guess you could say
that's where we left it
Decomposing. Never to live, never
to breathe again, Never to die.
A slow ghost-like life of an
It's heartbreaking, yes.
But it's been too long, too long for it to hurt

Pinching my thighs, with sun on my spine
Feeling each and every ray of warmth, like fingertips beneath my skin
I took a deep breath and inhaled you in
But was left alone with the all too quietness of my own naked bones
I think sometimes in my stillest of moments
I can feel the whole Earth down to the bottom of the deepest ocean
And then all the way to the limitless bounds of the atmosphere
Until the very fiber of my being has been twisted and spun
Turning into some figment choosing to exist neither here nor there
But rather in my own glinting world of impossible feats and unrealistic ideals 
of happily ever afters and a love that burns harder and stronger
Than anything we've ever known to be true

Two Similar
Maybe you taught me how to love.
In some backwards glance of a shadow, you showed me all that was dark.
And I found a home in that.
 I recognized a home in you; damaged and broken, but still standing tall on your own two feet. 
I think you showed me how to love.
I saw it in the way you'd drip from room to room, mesmerizing and unobtainable.
You'd be sweet and soft and then in the blink of an eye simply gone altogether. 
I wanted something in you, but could never say what.
 So I'm bitter, disengaged from all that was you; All that is you.
But you showed me love.
Showed me how to claim what's not mine to claim.
 Blame being thrown in your direction from my own mess needed to be sorted out. 
I hid from you because the mirror you forced in my face was too ugly to look at.
How could you show me love?
We both fell so hard and so far from what we knew.
We can't repair what was made to be broken. 
You and I. Forever connected. Always lost. Together.


Over time the walls come down and the truth falls through. All that you held close is now spread across that cold floor you've been pacing back and forth on. While each and every emotion pulls at you from the wayside you reach for a hint of a sound; complete rawness at it's finest. 

We've said our peace, louder and more poignant than either of us intended. But intentions are just that-a falsehood meant to temporarily hold off what's inevitable. Becoming an excuse for when things go south, or maybe north... I've seemed to have lost my direction within these four walls we've created. 

There comes a time when the truth finds light and the floor breaks beneath your feet. That's when you let go, that's when you fall, and that's when you breathe.

Oh freedom please take me and spin me around. my feet feel so heavy, rooted to this cold ground. my mind chooses to wander out of life day by day..while my mouth falls wide silent with all I think I should say. goosebumps on my heart, morning light on my legs. I tried wishing for strength, but was blocked out by your haze. there's some type of feeling dripping with the softest of touch. as I look out the window knowing time all too know that this too is a thing of that past. there are such beautiful moments, but how long can good last.

I saw Marilyn Monroe in a suit and tie last night as I walked through the streets of Los Angeles. She was smiling as she stared off into the distance. Leaning against a dumpster, clinging to it. Haphazardly posed there by someone else. Obviously not on her own terms. She wore a suit, by the dumpster smiling. Pretty as a flower.

Dear Moon,
Stay with me, if just for tonight
As the cold wraps me up I need the warmth of your light
I know that you're there, I can see your pale face
But still you seem far, as my feet stand in place

I need you to tell me all you know, I must hear
How you light up each night, long year after year 
Baring witness to that, which the day cannot take
Illuminating the shadows and what creeps in it's wake

How can you be so bright in the dark 
I exclaimed to the sky when I heard this remark

The moon turned around
A globe of light for a head
He seemed sad in his eyes 
as he looked down and said

"I've seen all the darkness that this world could create
And I'll tell you the truth, I've had my fair share of debates
Of what's right and what's wrong 
the good and the bad
I won't lie when I say in the past I've been mad

But I've learned that the anger feeds darkness, kills light
And the light that I shine, well it's just much too bright
To be wasted on something so trivial as this
No, I've spent too much time with those thoughts, long dismissed

So you ask me with wonder, why I choose to come out
Even with all the shadows that linger about 
The reason for shining and showing my light
Is to simply illuminate the beauty in night 
And that beauty regardless, will forever remain
Whether you see it or not will be your choice to claim

The Greatness of Being
I woke up this morning feeling scared. An endless night of tossing and turning has left my head foggy and my day buzzing at a quiet null. A bit too quiet for my liking, leaving the thumping sound of my heart left to stare down the nakedness of my thoughts. The stillness in my bones sends out some electric current asking my environment to mimic the flat feeling of my tone. After all this time, I thought I'd come some long ways, worthy of no longer feeling afraid. But it's days like these that put me in my place, demonstrating with ease, the miles I've still to go. But the distance I've traveled has taught me some new brand of strength that builds and builds; a courage that's been imprinted on my heart- my reassurance that I've made it through the dark before, and will do it again. Each time coming out more beautiful, more brilliant, and exponentially brighter than before, ready to take on the next. I woke up scared, but looked straight through the fear, making greatness of my day.

La La La

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Breathe because you won't break, run because you can take it, dance under stars and sing through words. There's time to be taken and too much sorrow to be felt in the world today. So I wish for some bittersweet nothings whispered in my ear of La Di Da's...
The kind I used to repeat on lined paper like romance was an endless cup of daisies and sunflowers.
 But love speaks of words and romance only rings of similar songs that bursted at the seams and then fizzled out to become nostalgic nights.
 Carry on laughs, I've got the vigor of a child, and the thought process of an adult that's grown up too fast. Waiting, wandering, wishing for careless freedom and an unending unawareness of the reality that I live in. 

Tiny Sparrow
Tiny sparrow broken wings, wants to fly away
Looking up to the sky he could fly so high,
but his wings simply beg him to stay
They gave out one night when he saw the ground,
and realized he could fall
Never thinking before, he could be stopped,
flying faster than them all

His day had been long, longer than all the rest
And when he saw that hard ground, something changed in his chest
It seemed closer or farther, as he turned to look down
And the thought of him falling, spun his head round and round

It had been so long since he'd really flown
Choosing ground over the sky
Knowing all too well the doubts and fears,
 he had built up in his mind
But freedom lacked where fear could thrive, and his wings curled up inside
Forgetting the breath they used to know, forgetting their strength to fly

But that tiny sparrow could remember still,
how the clouds felt on his cheeks
And how the wind would sway on cooler days,
and sweep him off his feet

His wings felt weak, but they yearned to fly
Feeling trapped all of this time
Still wishing someday, once again,
that they would kiss the sky

He felt the breeze and heard some sound,
it might have been the wind
Soft and sweet it sang some song,
that touched the heart of him
And made him think of lighter days when he was fast and free
Flying sharply, looping round,  an elegant trapeze

How could he think that he would fall,
when his wings could stretch so strong
And carry him around the world,
to places far and long

He loved to fly, but learned to fear
the ground he walked on most
Slowly realizing his growing fear,
 had only kept him close

There was time to be taken, not simply passed by
And as that sparrow took off headed straight for the sky
He felt whole once again, his wings brilliantly stretched
Looking down at the ground without feeling regret

Now knowing all ranges, the high and the low
Needing the sky to be free, but the ground taught him to grow
With a flick of his wings and a turn of his tail
That tiny sparrow flew off, flying smooth as a sail

 Hazy Afternoon

I could hear the waves crashing behind me and could see your face in the front. Always smiling. Always lovely. And we flew down the road, breaking ground; the only memory of our presence left behind in a dissipating cloud of smoke. And that was that, onto the next. But as we kept going, reckless in our usual manner, the feeling of the waving coast in the rear view kept whispering to the hairs on the back of my neck. Calling me to a place where the old feels normal and the new is a distant dream only felt by longing fingertips; but my dreams are real. And I want nothing more than to hold them in the palm of my hand. So I danced away from the past, danced away from those whispers. Away from each damaging thought, that thinks miracles and wonderment fail to exist in such a beautiful world. 

Don't forget to breathe
When the night comes on sooner than expected
Don't forget to breathe
When footsteps turn and leave out the door
Don't forget to breathe
And when the stars can't shine because your own eyes won't let them
Don't forget to breathe

Coming To Be
It was such a scatter
This beautiful, fragile life form
so delicate in it's own impenetrable exterior
We dissected every piece from the inside out
Until what was left was hollow 
Self destruction at it's most silent
But the fullness is still felt
The heaviness pulls on my heart
What we so desperately grabbed for
Like a life force of sorts
It was delicate, not meant to be tossed around
It was meant to be handled with care
We beat every ounce of feeling from it, from ourselves
fit each other into molds never made for either of us
But it was real and it is real
And I felt the world with you

Not a moment too long

Black tea and open hearts. Somewhere along this morning I found a breath of fresh air. Exhaling the stale feeling of dread for the first time in weeks. I've got dreams and every intent of bringing them to life. So watch me jump, or don't, that's on you. But that cliff has been flirting with me one moment too long; it's subtle whispers beg me to fly. Before my mind starts to fall back into the safety of those old frigid walls I built up, I leap. No ground beneath my feet, I've got an edge on gravity now. Letting go, I jump. And now all that's left is to wait and see where I land. 

My heart has been changed;

Molded, grown, shuttered. Lifted. I'm breathing in a new day to breathe out a life that no longer feels at home. Returning to some place foreign, yet the tips of my fingers recognize a faint kind of electric connection to the vibrancy of the buzzing molecules circling round my head; bubbling and twirling like the very livelihood of our Universe could be held inside this one room I stand in now. Twisting me up into this catapulting whirl of being, with eyes open, heart still, wind at my heels, I refuse to even fathom turning back now. Embracing feelings of naive excitement, along with that heavy unknown gray that's building up in the distance.